Escaping can seem impossible. Victims do not have a choice to just walk out the door with no consequences.
A battered individual may believe:
• The violence is temporary • With loyalty and love, she/he can make the other person change • The promises that it will “never happen again” • It is their responsibility to keep the family together • There will be more good times
Most victims do not want the relationship to end; they want the violence to end.
Fear Can Get in the Way
Fear is a major factor. Many believe their abusers’ threats that they will be killed if they try to leave.
Many people who are considering escaping fear the following: • More severe abuse • Retaliation if their abuser finds them • Destruction of belongings or home • No one will believe him/her. • Criticism from friends and family • Harm to job or reputation • Stalking • Being charged with a crime by the abuser • Harming children, pets, family or friends • The abuser may threaten or commit suicide • Court or police involvement
The average battered individual escapes 7 to 8 times before permanently leaving a relationship.
Reasons victims often return to their abuser include:
• Economics • Few job skills • Limited education or work experience • Limited cash • No access to bank account • Fear of poverty
Other reasons a victim may stay:
PRESSURE FROM FAITH COMMUNITY OR FAMILY
• Family expectation to stay in marriage “at any cost”
• Family denial of the violence
• Family blames her for the violence
• Religion may disapprove of divorce
• Religious leader may tell her to “stay and pray”
GUILT / SELF DOUBT
• Guilt about failure of the relationship
• Guilt about choosing an abuser
• Feelings of personal incompetence
• Concern about independence
• Loneliness
CONCERN FOR CHILDREN
• Abuser may charge her with "kidnapping" or sue for custody
• Abuser may abduct or abuse the children
• Questions whether she can care for and support children on her own • Fears losing custody of her children
•Believes children need a father
LACK OF COMMUNITY SUPPORT
• Unaware of services available to battered women
• Lack of adequate child care
• Few jobs
• Negative experiences with service providers
• Lack of affordable housing
• Isolated from community services
This project was supported by Subgrant # 18-VA-VS-032 awarded by the Law Enforcement Traffic Safety Division of ADECA and the U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice or grant-making component.
Safeplace, Inc.
Our mission is to promote healthy relationships by providing education, intervention, and safe places. We wholeheartedly believe in our clients’ self-determination, and we’re dedicated to living in a world where family and intimate partner violence does not exist.
